Fat. Drunk, and Stupid is No Way to Go Through Life Son

I woke up one day and said, "I would like to do triathlons again." Then followed that with, "I think Wildflower long course should be my first one back." This was immediately followed with, "What the f--- is my problem."

I not only decided that I wanted to do triathlons again, I decided that I would pick a half-Ironman on one of the most grueling courses known. Why you may ask? Because I am not rational and therefore I make stupid and sudden decisions. The only good thing I can say about this decision is that at least I decided this 25 weeks out from the event and not 5 days before.

For those of you that have no idea what I am talking about (this is the part where I pretend anyone reads these posts) the Wildflower long course consists of a 1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike, and a 13.1 mile run.

Now the last time that I did such a thing was 5 years and 30lbs less ago.So needless to say, I needed to train ASAP for this thing to make sure I finished and did it in a reasonable amount of time.

So in my initial assessment I would say swimming is my strongest discipline of the three and therefore I can focus less on it. However those of you who play water polo with me would argue that they have seen manatees float faster than I can swim to the other side of the pool. First) F--- you, second) I'm a great distance swimmer.

Nom nom says the manatee...nom nom

Next I would say I'm decent on a bike, but should spend a lot of time on this because it is the longest distance and most time consuming part of the race, but also the fresher your legs are on the biker the stronger you will be in running.

Finally I got to the running part and immediately said "f--- I hate running. Why do I want to do this again?" in which I told my inner-monologue, "Quiet down fatty, no one cares what you think." See the problem is that I don't necessarily hate running for the sake of running, it's just that I am built in the opposite way that Kenyans and Ethiopians are built. I am built more like, well like this...

Meet Bailey the wiener dog and his stubs for legs

So anything more than a half marathon, is asking for trouble and although that is the distance of the run in this race, I also have to do the bike and swim before I can even think about running.

I am now 5 and half weeks out before the race and things seem to be coming together. In this final month I am going to start taking it seriously as well as post updates in the training. Expect lots of post about "wanted to go run, but ate ham sandwich instead."